Looking for love, Searching for spellcheck

Aaaand another match question.

2010-04-02T04:56:00.000-07:00

Which is bigger?

The earth
The sun

Oh, how I wish I was making this one up. This has been listed as the most important question to match on my profile. The only people who would answer "The Earth" are really hardcore Christians and really hardcore dumb people.

Neither of whom I want any part of, naturally.

No really, I don't care about your kid

2010-03-03T03:05:00.000-08:00

I've dated a chick with a kid before, I understand the mother's mentality. If I had a child, I would most likely never want to leave it's side and be all gushy about it myself. Having a kid is the #1 goal to have for most people living out there, and I'm proud of you for doing so.

However, I think the line needs to be drawn when you're putting 5 out of 6 profile pictures as close ups of your baby. Seriously, all babies look the same. All of them. As long as your baby doesn't have some sort of major deformity (which I certainly hope they don't!) it's going to look the same as any other baby to the average lay-online dater.

Putting the first 6 paragraphs of your profile as a poetic essay on how much your baby is "your world" isn't helping matters either, but everyone knows that all men do is check your pictures and then leave.

(Kidding.)

Oh yeah, you people are hilarious

2010-03-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

STOP WINKING AT ME

(I warn you, I'll never run out of "I'd ___ your ___ if you know what I mean!" jokes in response!)

Holy what the!

2010-03-01T01:54:00.001-08:00

Apparently I'm actually getting some people reading this now. When did that happen? Seriously, I must have email comments turned off because I didn't even notice there were actually comments under some of these!

Also, after receiving an email the other day, I must reiterate as it says in the footer: To anyone who may be directed here from OKcupid and perhaps might be mentioned on this blog, I mean no ill will towards you, I'm simply a middleman for the lulz.

Fail thread of the day: Olympics Edition!

2010-03-01T01:42:00.000-08:00

DAM CANADA!!

There's so many beaver jokes I could make here, it's not even funny. Seriously, so many. And in several different meanings of the word "beaver" as well, it's great.

Sadly, he's just talking about how the Canadians beat the US in hockey, but still, I like the idea of somebody suggesting that we should try and build a wall around Canada to keep all the water from getting out.

And preferably from allowing Nickelback out again as well.

Wink!

2010-02-24T01:51:00.000-08:00

I got a wink a few days ago, how does one respond to that?

A wink basically is a cheap-ass way to start an OKCupid conversation because all it does is send a "YOU GOT WINK'D" message to the person in question. Most women have disclaimers on their profile saying they won't respond to winks. I can now see why.

I could try and start a conversation, but what about? "Hey, I noticed you winked at me. Nice boobs?" Usually on OKcupid I prefer to start conversations (and get conversation starters) about a topic that I or she is interested in based on reading the profiles. Where to go with a wink though? "Hey, I notice you winked at me. I too have working eyelids capable of blinking one at a time."

I could always wink back, but winking back might just start a horrible chain reaction where we wink at each other 27 times before one of us either gets bored or rage quits OKcupid. Isn't that the course of action in real life though? When a person winks at you do you immediately walk over and start talking about how nice their breasts look that particular day? (I might do that, but we're not talking about me.)

They might as well call the wink button the "I have no social skills and do not feel that you are attractive enough to actually engage directly, even with a crap-ass message like 'hi, ur hawt'" button.

Just saw this match question

2010-02-01T15:31:00.001-08:00

Would you consider dating someone who does not know how to read?

o YES
o NO

How did the person write that question?

People on OKcupid aren't funny

2010-01-26T21:41:00.000-08:00

Every single person on OKcupid seems to think they're a comedian in the making. Similar to how everyone on 4chan seems to think they're hilarious, except people seem to tolerate failure at humor better on the Cupid forums. Every single thread has a smattering of incredibly unfunny, head shaking jokes that embarrass you to look at.

After seeing this thread in which the funniest thing is the barely funny thread title... I'd say this is a perfect example. A joke about sex in high school that both missed the point of the thread title and went on about 3 sentences too long... And a Clinton joke. When did Jay Leno join OKcupid?

Seriously.

A quick observation

2010-01-26T21:27:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that just about every woman whose username mentions their eyes is a fat chick.

Perhaps they don't want us looking anywhere else lest we run?

Blubber gets me hard

2010-01-23T01:33:00.000-08:00

Seriously now, why?

Why do half the fat chicks on OKCupid feel the need to act as though they are getting every and any man they desire and are automatically better than anyone? I've seen MEN on OKcupid I'd rather take on a date than most of these fat chicks. And yet they always post themselves in "sexy" positions (sexy of course meaning "showing more pale cellulite") and talk about how they're too good for us men.

The most recent example of this I've found.

Don't get so stiff indeed.

I would, but I prefer my women to have their breasts protruding out FARTHER from their body than their stomachs.

I could write a whole separate BOOK on her profile. My favorite 3 parts:

1. She appears to think she's Korean enough to go by an asian name.
2. She freely admits to being a musician... and being deaf. That's a combination that always works!
3. The best part: She claims that men seem to want her as nothing but a sex toy... and then admits to being a virgin.

No seriously, what the fuck man.

Hot chicks want my Wii?

2009-12-29T17:08:00.000-08:00

First of all, a late happy holidays to any of the 6 people that read this. (And I'm probably overshooting on the 6)

Second of all, I would like to point out that the post I'm currently linking to is incredibly old, from Feb. of 2009. I'm only linking to something so old because it's fuckin' hilarious.

Now back to your regularly scheduled post...

I don't really understand video game obsession. I love video games and the internet and whatnot, but I'd much rather be outside or in a bar or something than stuck in some dingy room playing Super Smash Brothers. This goes with or without a girlfriend. If my girlfriend was obsessed with video games I'd probably not get along with her, since I like, you know, the sun.

Regardless, some guys are actually convinced that if they can find a pale young woman who loves games just as much as they do, their lives will be complete! Sadly, most girls that fit that category are (unsurprisingly) the same type as the guys who fit it. Pale and unattractive.

Gamer Girls that aren't obese or ugly, Speak up!

Oh hey look, an incredibly pale overly skinny dude with acne all over his face.

Immediately he was shat on by attractive people telling him that naturally, fat and unattractive women should probably be what his love ceiling should look like. The post would be fine... but Myst decided to fight back.

Gentlemen, your personal opinions of me are based solely upon the the photographs of me in my profile and the posts I have made in this forum. Furthermore, you are behind a fence formed by the internet that bars you from me and it is due to this fence that you may say that I would only be attractive to these "Fat chicks". Taken in any other context or medium, your comments would be radically different from the ones you posted. As for the primate, I agree with his views.

lulz

ur hot lets do it

2009-12-18T12:30:00.000-08:00

This is more OKStupid's territory, but I never receive messages (Guys on OKcupid rarely seem to) so this was a very... strange development.

I am not an incredibly attractive person, I'll say that plainly and out loud. If I was a chick, I totally wouldn't bang me.

Now, this was from a woman that I viewed several days before, who actually looked pretty attractive. Thus I figured it would be another one of the usual cases of me looking at her and us never crossing paths again. Plus 80% of all messages I receive are just OKcupid updates from the developers.

So imagine my surprise when I look in my inbox and see this;

I saw you viewed my profile, you look pretty sexy!

How am I supposed to even respond to that? Do I go along with her and pretend that I AM sexy, (despite all physical evidence) or am I supposed to just let her know right off the bat that she's obviously forgotten her glasses or something?

I'm considering just assuming she's a spambot and going on with my life.

LGBTQKKK (AKA the Random sequence of Letters post!)

2009-12-17T09:35:00.001-08:00

All right, first order of business. I have no idea why this topic was in the LGBTQRWCNB(seriously, how many letters do they need) forum. In fact, I scanned the front page of the LGBTQ forums and found one topic actually about the subject, which was asking people their favorite gay movie.

Anyway, I saw this topic; Sad day for the KKK.

That's one way to pique my interest!

It was just a news article about how the White population will probably be a minority in the USA by 2050. As pointed out, this should actually be a happy day for the KKK since the number USED TO BE 2043. But that's not the point.

The point is that it's really really funny when people don't understand sarcasm, especially when they take sarcasm as racism.

And lash out about it hilariously. Ladies and gentlemen, SoCalSinger!

i needed to voice my opinion.. then i will most likely berate this thread with lots of negative comments.. most directed towards the OP

like only a dumb racist bitch would give a fuck about the happenings of the kkk. this country is not the same as back in the day. the president is black, get the fuck used to it

...Yeah.

Why's her name SoCalSinger if she lives in Brooklyn?

11. see 10

2009-12-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

When you give people a "sexuality" forum, you're basically asking for shit like this;

ladies: do your anus' eat baby goo? MY baby goo?

My personal favorite part is that the only girl to actually say no is the really fat old bitch.

I'm sure she could stand to lose that 10 pounds, really. IF he could manage to find the anus under the folds of flub.

Gee, wonder why they're getting no clicks!

2009-12-09T15:49:00.001-08:00

I put up some adsense ads when I started this blog not because I thought they'd get much use, but because typically adsense comes up with some hilarious shit depending on the topic of the blog.

Well every single ad right now is a variation of these four;

I think that sums up both this blog and OKcupid in general. Nice.

I don't even have to try any more!

2009-12-09T15:05:00.001-08:00

Fail: Ugly Bitch Thread

Now there's a thread that encompasses the spirit of this blog!

I'll leave you to check out the pictures... and question why that one guy is posting dudes.

Gerbils + Chocolate = NY Times Bestseller... or a stroke.

2009-12-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

I still don't enjoy journals, but after that last time I figured there might be gems hiding in the rough of failure that is the usual OKcupid journal entry. So I went in looking for more hilarious profiles or letters...

Then I suddenly stumbled upon this piece of literary genius.

It's a shame that twice in two days I've had a chance to use that MyBrainIsFullofFuck.jpg picture. Seriously, I couldn't finish that story because I had no idea what was going on 3/4 of the way through it.

No. Seriously. I'm going to keep asking these questions until my brain explodes from the failure of literature.

Go back to bed, Grandma.

2009-12-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

The success-failure forum is the best cesspool of failure on OKcupid hands down, it's THE place to go when you want to hear debates between fat women and "nice guys". This post by Inuits is one of the other cliches, bitching about old people hitting on you.

Apparently the old people don't enjoy getting bitched at in that way.

So here's the response from one Comosay;

What I think is pathetic is 20 somethings that have to rely on a dating site to get a date. My kids are 21 and 22 and when they see me on here, they look at the young one's and go... " Man, that's lame".

Comosay is both incredibly old and incredibly not funny. I think I'll let the rest of the comments speak for themselves...

It's not that I 'have' to rely on a dating site.. But then again I don't see why an overweight divorcee is calling someone else lame... I think your current status entails you've fucked up quite enough in life... Don't push your failures onto the internet.

Comosay, don't you mean your great great grandkids?

Yeah. Sadly, eventually people started DEFENDING the old bitch.

This... I... what?

2009-12-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

...

Surfers from Cali know ALL ABOUT the third world.

2009-12-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

In our previous post I chronicled the adventures of one StarlitDragon823 and her questions on why hot sexy men didn't want to have her in the sack. I think it's a pretty good example of when Women think too highly of themselves.

But I am nothing if not fair, so here we go the other way. This is the work of a guy named Ethe, who saw the word 'meat' and decided this was a perfect time to unleash the ocean of fury he had against overweight people.

Fuck you fatties.

You know why I hate fat people? It's not cause they're fat, it's cause they have no self discipline. They either eat too much, or they work out too little.

Either way, the rest of their life is riddled with other evidence of a lack of self-discipline.

I don't hate you cause you're fat, I hate you cause your fat is a testament to your inability to apply the most basic maintenance and self-discipline to your own life.

If you can't take care of your body, then I have severe doubts about your ability to take care of other necessities, like a checking account, a house, a relationship, a pet.

O_o CALM DOWN MAN

It's obvious that he probably doesn't associate or know anything about fat people because most people know that totally isn't how getting fat works 100% of the time.

He was completely showed up by just about everyone else in the thread because of his idiocy, but unlike Starlit, ETHE FIGHTS BACK.

Nope, fuck your excuses.

We've got entire countries of depressed people. Entire populations that fear for their lives, their livelihoods, people that mope day in and out because they see no future.

These people are in Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, Ethiopia, Somalia. You see fatties there? Nope, no sympathy for your clinical "depression". Somehow your problems are so much greater then people that have resolved to a life that has no fucking future?

People fucking blow themselves up in markets because they can't possibly see a better future for themselves in this world, but they're not fat.

But you, somehow you are more depressed then these people, at the extremes of humanity, and as a result it explains your rotundness?

Give me a fucking break. Your depression excuse is the most pathetic cop out. Anyone in any third world nation would be rolling their eyes at you every time you waved your doctor's "clinical depression" note.

There is not a facepalm in the world big enough for this idiot.

Just saying, no matter how oversighted a member of the other gender is, there's always one on your side that's even dumber.

Yeah, and World War I contained "a little death."

2009-12-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

I hate double standards, I really do. I dislike when overweight people expect only the best, brightest and hottest of men/women to come to them and start drooling all over themselves. (*cough*) I certainly don't expect Elisha Cuthbert to show up at my door and swoon all over me with the shape I'm in.

So this thread got me thinking.

It's basically a girl asking why hot sexy men don't like her. Considering how often I see men that aren't overweight at all but not RIPPED get rejected by women with "a little meat" I think this qualifies as a stupid double standard. Especially since her "little bit of meat" constitutes about 30 prime rib dinners for two.

Yeah. Starlitdragon subsiquently got ripped to shreds by comments in the thread about her definition of little.

And of course I'm sure there were some premature ejaculation jokes somewhere in there.

Starlit never posted in the thread again and it wound up turning into a very unlulzy conversation about the difference between fat and curvy women.

Tune in for our next post when we prove that men can be retards as well!

At least she only uses drugs for the sake of their use

2009-12-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

This message was posted via Illinimarine7 on the forums... what the hell.

Hi, u r so nice lookin I want to get to no u I am a 21 fem. singal mother of three kids i c u r goin to scool to be a lawyer i think that is sexy and in marines too even better i like activitys like basball an footbal i use to use drugs and quit u seem dessent messige me back

...I don't even think I need to say anything, because if I do I might hemorrhage my brain. You know, I've complained before about not getting very many messages but if that's the alternative I think I'm glad. You have our condolences, Illini!

Fail thread of the day: Breadsticks edition!

2009-12-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

Note to self: RKEdwards3 is not the best judge of culinary masterpiece.

YOu should definitely try olive garden for a first date

Why not try Denny's, it's classier! And with fewer rats!

Really, anything I say will not be nearly as awesome as Leeny78's comment;

I think it's a great idea. Olive Garden first, then get dessert at Red Lobster and grab a nightcap at TGIFriday's when you're done.

Hey, I like TGI Friday's...

Must love dogs, not be on probation

2009-12-02T00:56:00.001-08:00

I never really check the journals on OKcupid, usually they're just random shit that could easily pass for Facebook updates... if Facebook allowed paragraph-long updates.

So, I finally decided to look around the place and I saw a journal entry by one Purplepawneater. Apparently some chick didn't like his profile and messaged him things such as this;

“by far the most disgusting profile I have ever wasted 3 seconds reading..I hope your life is very short"

I was going to roll my eyes and laugh it off until I actually decided to read his profile.

Possibly the greatest profile in the history of anything.

I laughed for an hour while reading that, and I think OKcupid needs more shit like this to keep it hilarious and serious. That's right, serious. The dumber the website gets, the easier it is to be loose and no longer... TOTAL INTERNET SRS.

You know, like this woman.

That's BanjoRose, who according to her very appropriate and tasteful profile, enjoys reading, sewing, the desert, flea markets and making soupzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Oh, sorry, must have dozed off there.

Jesus in hell, that profile has to be the exact opposite of our friend Purple's.

A date with this woman sounds like a good excuse to catch up on your sleep.

And feel free to check out those photos of her, because that far away, photoshopped to hell shot she's got as her default is just a weeeee bit misleading. How on earth does she get off sending nasty messages (that are almost DEATH threats!) to someone on the internet having a little fun?

...And I have to wonder, why on earth would you send threats to a guy claiming to be a convicted heartless criminal?

But NOT too hot to rot, I hope.

2009-12-01T12:42:00.000-08:00

If you happened to read the original 10PofS blog we posted about a wonderful example of insanity named 2hawt2trawt. Shortly before our blog died she disappeared off the face of OKcupid much to the delight of everyone who actually ever spoke to her, online or otherwise.

I urge you to please read the original blog here so you can see some of the original hilarity she started.

Anyway, a topic was recently started in the Success-Failure forum:

FAIL: Plenty of Fish is run by a Nazi

I wouldn't really know, I only used PoF for a short time and left when I realized it basically had all the same people in my area from OKcupid, with less features and shit. (Although 'hey, aren't you from OKcupid' was a decent conversation starter!)

Normally just ranting about another dating site isn't very funny, but our old friend 2hawt2trawt just happens to have rejoined OKcupid... And we're happy to report she hasn't changed a bit!

Now sporting the new name Im2hot2trot, (I still have no fucking clue what that means!) she's changed her hair color and I think actually GAINED weight. Guess that gym membership finally expired.

I urge you, read that profile. Really, you must read that damn profile to learn about our friend. And really, who wouldn't find this the hottest thing on two legs.

Unfortunately (Fortunately?) she didn't have any full body shots this time around, but her profile is almost exactly the same, right up to her distaste for dogs, cats, children and pale white men.

The best new line in her profile:

Also, do not, and I repeat DO NOT send me a "Welcome to OKcupid" message. I am not new, and I said that in my about me section. If you do send me a message like this, not only will I block you, but I'll mark you as "dead to me" and you lost any chance of ever taking me out. Play your cards right and don't be a fucking fool.

I sent her three just to make sure.

Back to the topic at hand!

So in the midst of talking about how the OP was kicked off of Plenty of Fish, 2hawt came in with her usual chicken nuggets of wisdom;

I don't think anyone would care that much if they were rejected by your ugly, underbite mug. Maybe they deleted you because of your horrendous underbite?

Sadly nobody responded except the OP who told her to shut her pie hole (which is probably more appropriate than 2hawt would care to admit) and she stopped there. Shame, there was potential for some hawt flame action in there!

Although eventually the topic changed to a debate on Neo-Nazism, so which result is better is up in the air!

Welcome to LfLSfS!

2009-12-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

I never actually remember joining OKcupid, I assume I did it to take a quiz or something a long time ago and forgot about it. A couple months after that I got an email informing me that my profile was suspiciously empty, and my adventures on OKC began!

Back on November 18th 2008, I met a girl on OKcupid and we had a long, interesting conversation about... uh, I think fast food. Eventually we got to talking about the forums, which as all OKcupid users know is a wonderful cesspool (of love!) of awful spelling, stupidity, and premature ejaculation jokes.

Mostly the premature ejaculation jokes though.

Anyway, she and I noticed a particular hilarious poster named carcypher who couldn't spell, seemed to be immune to criticism and hatred, and also happened to look like this;

Yeah.

We found this premise hilarious and decided to start a blog called 10 points off for Spelling to chronicle the adventures of our new friend and other incredibly dumb OKcupid posts we happened to find.

Well, soon after that she met an IRL boyfriend and carcypher quit OKcupid, which pretty much killed our blog in one easy step. So for several long months the blog and the interesting idea behind it laid dead in the ditch of broken internet promises. (Poetic!)

My old co-author may be long gone - we haven't spoken since the blog died off - but I'm still here, dammit! This blog is my attempt to chronicle the hilarity and immense stupidity that can take place within the hallowed halls of the OKcupid forums... and maybe some journals or rather bad profiles along the way? You never know!

We're Looking for Love, and Searching for Spellcheck. Let's get this trainwreck started.