Aaaand another match question.

Which is bigger?

  • The earth
  • The sun
Oh, how I wish I was making this one up. This has been listed as the most important question to match on my profile. The only people who would answer "The Earth" are really hardcore Christians and really hardcore dumb people.

Neither of whom I want any part of, naturally.


No really, I don't care about your kid

I've dated a chick with a kid before, I understand the mother's mentality. If I had a child, I would most likely never want to leave it's side and be all gushy about it myself. Having a kid is the #1 goal to have for most people living out there, and I'm proud of you for doing so.

However, I think the line needs to be drawn when you're putting 5 out of 6 profile pictures as close ups of your baby. Seriously, all babies look the same. All of them. As long as your baby doesn't have some sort of major deformity (which I certainly hope they don't!) it's going to look the same as any other baby to the average lay-online dater.

Putting the first 6 paragraphs of your profile as a poetic essay on how much your baby is "your world" isn't helping matters either, but everyone knows that all men do is check your pictures and then leave.



Oh yeah, you people are hilarious


(I warn you, I'll never run out of "I'd ___ your ___ if you know what I mean!" jokes in response!)

Holy what the!

Apparently I'm actually getting some people reading this now. When did that happen? Seriously, I must have email comments turned off because I didn't even notice there were actually comments under some of these!

Also, after receiving an email the other day, I must reiterate as it says in the footer: To anyone who may be directed here from OKcupid and perhaps might be mentioned on this blog, I mean no ill will towards you, I'm simply a middleman for the lulz.

Fail thread of the day: Olympics Edition!


There's so many beaver jokes I could make here, it's not even funny. Seriously, so many. And in several different meanings of the word "beaver" as well, it's great.

Sadly, he's just talking about how the Canadians beat the US in hockey, but still, I like the idea of somebody suggesting that we should try and build a wall around Canada to keep all the water from getting out.

And preferably from allowing Nickelback out again as well.



I got a wink a few days ago, how does one respond to that?

A wink basically is a cheap-ass way to start an OKCupid conversation because all it does is send a "YOU GOT WINK'D" message to the person in question. Most women have disclaimers on their profile saying they won't respond to winks. I can now see why.

I could try and start a conversation, but what about? "Hey, I noticed you winked at me. Nice boobs?" Usually on OKcupid I prefer to start conversations (and get conversation starters) about a topic that I or she is interested in based on reading the profiles. Where to go with a wink though? "Hey, I notice you winked at me. I too have working eyelids capable of blinking one at a time."

I could always wink back, but winking back might just start a horrible chain reaction where we wink at each other 27 times before one of us either gets bored or rage quits OKcupid. Isn't that the course of action in real life though? When a person winks at you do you immediately walk over and start talking about how nice their breasts look that particular day? (I might do that, but we're not talking about me.)

They might as well call the wink button the "I have no social skills and do not feel that you are attractive enough to actually engage directly, even with a crap-ass message like 'hi, ur hawt'" button.


Just saw this match question

Would you consider dating someone who does not know how to read?

o NO

How did the person write that question?


People on OKcupid aren't funny

Every single person on OKcupid seems to think they're a comedian in the making. Similar to how everyone on 4chan seems to think they're hilarious, except people seem to tolerate failure at humor better on the Cupid forums. Every single thread has a smattering of incredibly unfunny, head shaking jokes that embarrass you to look at.

After seeing this thread in which the funniest thing is the barely funny thread title... I'd say this is a perfect example. A joke about sex in high school that both missed the point of the thread title and went on about 3 sentences too long... And a Clinton joke. When did Jay Leno join OKcupid?


A quick observation

I've noticed that just about every woman whose username mentions their eyes is a fat chick.

Perhaps they don't want us looking anywhere else lest we run?


Blubber gets me hard

Seriously now, why?

Why do half the fat chicks on OKCupid feel the need to act as though they are getting every and any man they desire and are automatically better than anyone? I've seen MEN on OKcupid I'd rather take on a date than most of these fat chicks. And yet they always post themselves in "sexy" positions (sexy of course meaning "showing more pale cellulite") and talk about how they're too good for us men.

The most recent example of this I've found.

Don't get so stiff indeed.

I would, but I prefer my women to have their breasts protruding out FARTHER from their body than their stomachs.

I could write a whole separate BOOK on her profile. My favorite 3 parts:

1. She appears to think she's Korean enough to go by an asian name.
2. She freely admits to being a musician... and being deaf. That's a combination that always works!
3. The best part: She claims that men seem to want her as nothing but a sex toy... and then admits to being a virgin.

No seriously, what the fuck man.